Day 69 The Fanny Pack

Maybe You Call It a Butt Bag

The fanny pack has been around for ages, just not necessarily slung around a waist for easy access. As a go to bag, the clothing accessory eliminates the need for an extra carrying satchel, and frees up your ass for wallet free sitting.

big butt bag fanny pack
It appears she is using this fashionable fanny pack for storing the rest of her wardrobe. A bra at least, plus a few valuables. I don’t think that suit has any pockets.

Sitting on a a Costanza-sized wallet can be terrible for your back. The slight elevation of one of your ass cheeks can twist your hip and throw your back out of alignment. Friends of mine have seen this, and all that cockeyed sitting might have been the cause of my bad back. Now you can’t exactly leave that wallet at home, so having a fanny pack to cart around your essentials is…well damn necessary.

This bag strapped to your midsection is also an increased form of personal security. Rather than have a wallet loosely slipped into that jeans pocket, the strap provided is constructed of a tough nylon weave and carefully double clipped to make the assembly damn near impossible to fall off. Fabrics can be selected to be waterproof, and buoyant in the event you find yourself suddenly overboard after a raging boat party. A flexible, on-person safe.

And where exactly have you been stashing that smartphone of yours? In a front pocket, you’re likely cooking your genitals along with your chances for future offspring. In your back pocket, well that phone is either destined for an ass-shaped crack across it’s screen or the bottom of a toilet bowl. With a fanny pack, that phone will just slip right in, freeing your pockets for less valuable items.

If you haven’t already adopted the pack, maybe it’s time to consider a strap-on bag to house your travelling goodies. Rather than get picky about what color might match your eyes, consider collecting a few. Maybe a neutral shade to blend in with your everyday wardrobe. A black leather version for special occasions. Fluorescent pink or green to match your runners when out for a jog. Mix and match according to how you feel at the moment.

I think my next design project will be to construct one from stainless steel. Chain mail anyone? Chic and jingly!


Day 68 Let Your Kid Poke Things Into The Electrical Outlet