Day 88 Always Park For Free

Never Pay For Parking Again

Yes, I understand that parking money fills public coffers. Without meter maids sauntering down the street in their bulletproof yellow vests, our taxes might be higher and there would never be a parking spot in front of that ice cream shop I like. I do like ice cream.

do not pay for parking
I sure as hell am not wasting a quarter on an hours worth of parking here. I can get two sour gummy worms for that price!

Of course, when you want one of these meter maids…they are never around. Idiots that park at the bus stop should be shot, but I haven’t seen a pistol on even one of those ticket makers yet. You think the City could at least arm these individuals with a taser instead of a pen and blank ticket book.

And because you rarely see these people, you also must have figured out by now that meter maids don’t check the meters on Sunday nights. They have circuits around town. The city has figured out there are optimal streets to send their employees along, as well as the best times to send them out. Through carefully crafted algorithms, schedules are drawn up along with walking routes to cover when and where the highest frequency of parking violators fill the streetsides. Weekends and game nights…these ticket makers also like holidays, calling in sick, and watching sporting events…so chances are they aren’t walking the beat.

Where to park for free? Loading zones are great for downtown parking, just write up a quick note to say that you will only be 5 minutes. Maybe the meter maid comes by…and waits just to make sure you’re legit. Maybe not. If you do get stuck having to justify your temporary park job…you’re a writer and you needed to drop off some supplies…boxes of writing…you do this to feed your family, and with all those bloggers out there your little ones now eat Kraft Dinner 4 nights a week.

Even better, save yourself an old parking ticket. When you’re at a meter, just stash that ticket under your wiper to make it look like you have already been ticketed. Not only will the meter maid just stroll on by, but all the other suckers parking nearby might just be scared into plugging their meters full. If you don’t have an old ticket handy, just take one off an already ticketed car. There has to be one nearby.

I recently parked downtown for an hour…and didn’t pay the 5 dollars the meter was asking for. Instead I popped into a pub and had myself a pint…spending that money on beneficial liquids instead of fictitious parking.

So don’t be a sucker. Get yourself a carefully crafted Loading Zone note, and back it up with an old parking ticket. With these two parking essentials, you will never pay for parking again.


Day 87 – Winter Tires Are For Suckers Too