Day 99 Hock A Loogie

Keep Those Airways Clear

Every once in a while you catch an adult knuckle-deep in search of that illustrious crusty booger lodged deep in their skull. Kids have no shame in doing a little gold digging, and will gladly rifle through the chocolate bars at the cash register after pulling a few gooey fingers from their nose holes. The thing is not all your snot is readily available for finger extraction. Hence, the necessity of hocking a loogie.

spit on the sidewalk
Spitting is gross. Hocking a loogie is an essential part of nasal health. Consider instead of hurling your yellow-white blob onto the sidewalk, aim for the bushes or targets on the wall or grass. Slippery sidewalks can be dangerous.

On wintery construction sites and warehouses docks in small towns, the union guys were really great teachers of such a skill. When you have gloves on, there’s no time to either pull off a glove and do a little snot removal. I understand why stores sell those little packets of Kleenex, but not once did I see a guy with a frosty moustache reach for the pack of folded tissue paper. A strategic and vocal snort, followed up with sounds akin to a cat coughing up a furball was all that was necessary to clear that congestion. Of course there is the finish, left up to the individual, where either a direct downward shot gets the job done…or the perfect arc in an attempt to impress other loogie hocking coworkers.

Maybe you had a drunken uncle or hockey-playing mailman/dad that was able to demonstrate proper technique. Proper form is always judged on consistency, color, sticking power and of course location of your deposit. I remember my mom warning me of walking down the sidewalk barefoot, for fear I might catch some oral-based disease from half-dried saliva mixed boogers I stepped in. Between the smeared dog feces and pigeon poop, I am sure loogies were probably some of the tamer wet spots on the pavement.

So yes, I am an official hocker. I wake up each morning and my sinuses start to run. They need constant clearing, and after a night of cigar smoking down at the dock…I figure it also might be my body recommending that I also reduce my cigarette savoring. With all that mucous stuck in my head, it gives me plenty of opportunity to practice a little distance projection. Even picking off targets on the side of the road while stopped at a traffic light. We’re talking mad skills here.

And with each loogie, you have the opportunity to gather a health related data point. If it’s black, time to call the doctor back. If it’s yellow, let your tongue embrace that salty, gelatinous blob and let it mellow. Maybe it’s time I start working on a loogie-hocking app for that Apple Watch thingy.


Day 98 Warn the Tattoo Artist If You Need To Pick Your Nose