Catsup or Ketchup, Always Necessary
Ketchup always makes a meal taste better. Sugar, salt, and a carefully guarded blend of herbs and spices all carefully dissolved and suspended in a blood red goo. Sure that might sound a little unappetizing, but you know an excessive dollop heaped onto a bed of fries loaded with cheese curds and gravy is pure heaven. No other condiment comes close for universal appeal.
I was once fascinated with easier ways of getting the thixotropic fluid from it’s frustrating glass bottle. Sure sticking a knife into the business end of an uncapped bottle is a sure fire way to get some of the good stuff out, but I knew there had to be a more hygienic way of extracting that tomatoey elixir. I studied fluid dynamics. Constructed prototypes to test on my own personal stash in the refrigerator. I finally came up with an easy non-vibrating solution, and the squeeze bottle came out. D’oh! Ask me about it sometime.
Now squeeze bottles are great. Easy clean dispensing. You can pack a bottle into a restaurant in a bag, and not worry about it breaking. Not every place out there has a bottle just sitting there at the end of the table. You know, ketchup is a nice addition to chicken fried rice. When going out for sushi, I fill one of those little side dishes to the brim with catsup to dip my california roll in. French cuisine can be a bit pretentious and bland too. For any confusing flavors, a squirt of ketchup can do a great job of masking that unpleasantness, so you can enjoy that expensive meal.
Now packing a bottle of the red stuff can be a bit tough at times. I keep an emergency packet stored in my wallet. For beachier days, the fanny pack works well for stashing more oodles of ketchup packets. If you’re cost conscious, you know that you don’t ever have to buy packets, just nab a few extras when you’re at the fast food place. Grab a few napkins, if you’re low in toilet paper, and replace your personal stacks of disposable cutlery. Fast food places put this stuff out there, why not take it? Free ketchup, isn’t America great?
So liven up every meal with a squirt of ketchup. It’s a condiment not just for hot dogs and french fries, it is an essential part of every meal…and is high in Vitamin C.