The Freezing Booze Should Keep The Bugs Happy

We are many months away from thinking of winter getaways to inexpensive and tropical climates. I think it’s the sunny and warm patio days like today that make me think of carefree afternoons in the sunshine. I must admit, I also played hooky from work today too.

While relaxing on a sunny patio today with a pitcher of beer and good company, I got to reminiscing about some really tasty cocktails I had back in Mexico during my sister’s wedding. Memories that made me think it might be just about time to give up the 9 to 5 and aim for some 3-midnight shifts at my own beachside bar serving umbrella-filled drinks to weary travellers. Everyone gets thirsty, especially for rainbow colored specialties.

Now in those countries of a regularly warmer temperature, the fresh water is known to be ‘not so fresh’. We’ve heard stories of Montezuma’s Revenge, Delhi Belly, and ‘the shits’. Now it doesn’t really matter where someone encounters that initial point of ingestion, as the shitty results are the same. You have to take a step back and realize our white-man diets full of processed food don’t train our digestive systems to respond to simple parasites. Neanderthals had no problem with crap in their drinking water and they did fine. This really should be a sign of a failed health system. Mexicans also drink their water with no obvious issues. Indians also seem to have no problem swimming in the Ganges. Why do us Westerners really have such weak immune systems? I blame big pharma and development of drugs for even the most minor of human issues. Add to that their scary marketing tactics to extort money from us for diarrhea immunity. It figuratively makes me sick.

I know…take a deep breath and relax. With that little beach bar, I aim to breath a little deeper and maybe work a little natural color back into my work induced grey hair. In addition to carving out a little slice of heaven to share with the paying gringo, I figure increasing your tolerance to waterborne parasites is also a noble quest while giving your liver a bit of workout.

Without painting a picture…I see this. I lure you in with the thatched roof and open air bar overlooking a serene little turtle-filled lagoon. A dock with weathered grey planks and a couple small rowboats at the end to reel in the nets and figure out what the nights fish-and-chips option might be. Hammock strung between a couple of bowed trees with a young bikini wearing gal working on her tanlines. The cocktails, all iced with local fresh water. The vegetables, all washed with that fresh water. Maybe it’s collected rain water, maybe I might have to extract some of it from a nearby mud puddle. All local, all natural.

We start you off slow. Two cubes of local ice, and a local bourbon, aged in coconut palm casks. You need more liquids…chase it with a beer. The scenery is beautiful and distracting from your incremental frozen water intake. The afternoon slips by into evening, and a gorgeous sunset. Your fish with those chips was actually that friendly stingray you played as you walked along the beach and up to this bar…which is why that meal was so tasty. You’re full, wasted, and have just had the best day of your life.

The new bugs to your system are now immersed and happy. My formula is pure magic, as long as you keep those little guys lubricated with a little booze…otherwise they might turn on you and make that beef-chorizo burrito come out a little sooner and runnier than expected.

Remember, I didn’t serve you that burrito. Come again soon!

Chris

Day 99 Loogie Hocking Can Be an Evening Extracurricular Activity At My Bar